Freedom - colored pencil drawing of a young child (me) standing in grass that is sprinkled with a few flowers, facing the sun with her hands raised towards the sky

Re/Emergence: A Journey to and From the Depths

            I drew down into the cave of myself
            And lived off my fat. Now that food was safe,
            The damage already done,
            I would not eat. The chewed heart
            Of pomegranate blocked my throat. . . .
            Above the black walls of my world, the sun
            Drifted in its ring of fire. With half
            The journey done, it sent a signal down.
            The ground above me split.
            Like a child in the womb I felt
            The tingle beneath the fingernails
            That marks the end of death. (Stone, 1992, p. 22)

Contemporary western culture sadly does not place much stock in dreams. What were once seen by ancient peoples as potent messages from divine or demonic forces (Freud, 2001, p. 1) are now considered by many in the west to be inspired solely by the food they have eaten that night or to be incoherent images produced by neurons not worth a second thought. Freud and Jung came to a different conclusion, and both labored greatly to reestablish dreams as important parts of psychic life with great healing potential. Jung asserted that “dreams are the guiding words of the soul” (2009, p. 233), and it is with this belief in mind that I have approached my dreams. Like Persephone, I have been to the underworld and retreated “into the cave of myself” (Stone, 1992, p. 22), but by engaging with my dreams using elements of the work done by Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Robert Johnson, and Steven Aizenstat, I have been able see the light through “the ground above me” and feel “the end of death” (1992, p. 22). As a result of this work, my ascent has begun, and I am ready to re/emerge into the land of the living.

When it has come to working with my dreams, I have found associations and research coupled with the various techniques described and developed by Jung, Johnson, and Aizenstat to yield much fruit. I struggle at times with expressing my feelings and often experience a lag between when I know something intellectually and when I believe it in every fiber of my being so writing, moving, and engaging with dreams through different creative modalities help and have provided much insight into my inner world. Many of my dreams, especially those treated here, have archetypal components, but there is so much material to explore and with which to engage in each of the dreams, active imaginations, visions, and art produced from them, that I know there is much more work to be done. However, before diving in to these materials, some autobiographical information will be helpful for context. While it is not pleasant to recount, the past is important in framing why these dreams have been so impactful and essential to my healing. I only ask the reader to view my parents with grace and love.

My mother and father separated when I was about 13 or 14 months old and finalized their divorce when I was around 2½. I remember some moments from when they were married, and the night my mom finally decided to leave my dad is scarred in my mind. In truth, the divorce was a blessing. I honestly do not think she would be alive had she stayed in the marriage, and I am not sure where I would be. However, due to fear and a naïve sense of hope on my mother’s part, she and my father had joint custody of me. He was not a kind man, was verbally, emotionally, and sexually abusive, and used both the threat and lack of physical abuse as a weapon. Beginning when I was 3, he started using unsupervised alone time with me as currency to repay some of his debts and in exchange for services. While my mom suspected I was suffering at the expense of his temper, she either did not know about or did not want to see the other. It has only been in the last year that I have begun to open my eyes and see the extent of the neglect and abuse.

When I was 7½, one of my best friends, Sierra, was murdered, and that is when I began to close myself off to the world. I was informed of her passing 4 days prior to Mother’s Day, but my family still expected me to go to the celebration that Sunday. While we were out at lunch, I began crying as the loss was very fresh. My mom told me that I had to get it together, and that my tears were inappropriate and needed to stop. I never really let myself cry very much after that. By the time I turned 10, I did not express very many feelings outwardly anymore, and I had no idea how to regulate or honor my emotions so I pushed them down. After that, I went out of my way to make myself unseen, unnoticeable, small and spent most of my teen and adult years at war with my body and spirit.

Until recently, I felt incredibly detached from my childhood and from important parts of myself that I truly believed had died. While in my soul, I knew they were not gone for good, intellectually, I could not see a way to recover them. My dreams have provided a wealth of healing content once I started to pay more attention to them; by harkening back to the past on one level, they have allowed me to finally heal those wounds while on the other, they have shown me the way forward (Jung, 2010, para. 444, p. 24).

Whitmont and Perera wrote that “dreams are a portal to the source of life” (1989, p. 180). This means that dreams not only emanate from the source, which “sustains and directs the individuation process throughout the dreamer’s life” (1989, p. 8), or Jung’s Self, but can also return the dreamer to it. My dreams have provided me with access to my truth and to my Self once more. Simultaneously, this source has been a treasure trove, and I am grateful to have reconnected to it.

December 22, 2019 marked the beginning of a new chapter for me after a journey with psilocybin mushrooms, and it is still unfolding. I had a numinous experience that night and another about a month later, which catapulted me into healing and prefigured the work and transformation in which I have been engaged ever since. The frequency of archetypal dreams since May 2020 is somewhat startling, and the revelatory, intense, disturbing, and powerful messages I received led me to Pacifica Graduate Institute. Within the first three weeks of coursework, the true initiation began.

On October 21, 2020, I finally accepted what I intuitively knew to be true for so long about my father. That night marked the beginning of my descent. About a week later, I woke up shortly after 4am from the following dream:

I am in the underworld. I am not dead, but a part of me has died, and I must rescue it if I want to come to back to the land of the living. It is grey and desolate and very cold, but I am not afraid. I just feel incredibly alone. It is overwhelming. (personal journal, October 27, 2020)

Unfortunately, I went back to bed without recording this dream, but when I awoke later that morning, I remembered the above and knew that the dream reached its culmination – I accomplished my task although I could not remember whom or what I rescued or how I did it. This ate away at me for the next month. No amount of dream work revealed the answer, but I knew the message would come again if it was meant to when the time was right.

On November 27, I received confirmation that these new revelations about my childhood were correct as my father had shared one of the incidents with someone. I was already in a dark place, and while the truth was affirming, I spiraled even further. The following day I spent over four hours with my watercolor pencils creating the image of the underworld as I saw it in my dream on October 27. I never revisited it, but this was the result:

Figure 1
The Underworld
A textured black landscape with a slightly curved grey path running through the middle. There is a suggestion of a wolf’s face in the path.
Note. By H. Shields, 2020.

The night of December 4, I was sitting on my couch reading when I begin to feel an intense and anxious energy in my chest and a piercing pain in my right abdomen and back. I had felt this pain before and knew it was psychic in nature, but the sensation in my chest was strong and new. I tried to breathe through it, but that only made it worse, and I could not focus or relax. It was exhausting so I decided to lay down in bed thinking rest would do me well. As I was slipping into slumber, I had the following vision:

I am in the underworld. I have found the young girl who needs saving. The girl who was hurt, alone, and unprotected, but who still has so much joy and love. I am with her at the transition space between the underworld and the land of the living, and help her up. I stay, it is her turn now, and as I wave goodbye, she faces the sun with her arms upstretched towards it, and she is Joy. I know this is right, and all will be okay. She has been alone for so long, and now she is free. (personal journal, December 4, 2020)

Almost immediately, I got out of bed and drew what I had seen:

Figure 2
Freedom - colored pencil drawing of a young child (me) standing in grass that is sprinkled with a few flowers, facing the sun with her hands raised towards the sky
Note. By H. Shields, 2020.

This vision was numinous, and the image itself plus the experience of engaging with it through drawing brought me much peace and solace. However, while I had rescued myself in the dream world, I had yet to rescue my younger self in the waking world. I was overcome with the same anxiety and pain that lead up to that vision about a week later and decided to try an active imagination hoping it would yield answers. It certainly did, but it was far from what I expected:


                                                                                  help help

            who is this?                                                    you

            . . .                                                                  it’s you

            what can I do to help?                                   Listen            

            how? what do I need to hear?                        . . .

            what am I missing?                                        follow your heart

                                                                                  you need

            what is it I need?                                           you need to get me

            where are you?                                              hell

            how do I find you?                                         listen

            to the pain?                                                   yes

            will I find you there?                                      close

            how old are you?                                           2

            I’m coming. I promise. I love you.                  . . .

                                                                                 help me

            I shall. You’ll be safe soon. I promise. Is there anything else you need to tell me?


                                                                                 I love you too

            (personal journal, December 11, 2020)

This interaction was highly disturbing and charged for me, and I let a lot of time pass before I felt comfortable engaging with these contents again. I wanted to listen, like my young self told me to, but I let my fear get in the way. While I continued to work with my therapist and with the content that had emerged from dreams prior and that were coming up through body memories, I slept so poorly and often awoke so abruptly that I did not remember or record many of the dreams I had after this.

The first dream I recalled in a while occurred the night before we began our residential days for a class on dreams required as a part of my graduate studies. Prior to our first dream lecture, we participated in an active imagination for our other class. We were invited to check in with a part of our past that was still alive and which would like to speak. As it had been almost two months since I left my 2 year old self behind, I decided to check in with her. It pained me greatly that I had prioritized my fear over her safety, and I felt incredibly sad and guilty about neglecting her that way, which I acknowledged when welcoming her in. The following active imagination was the result:

            . . . I’m coming for you. I’m working really hard to make things safe for you. I’ll be there soon, and I love you. Are you here?

Yes. I want you to be okay too. I want you to feel loved. I want you to know you are good and strong. I love you, and I know I’ll see you soon. I hope you feel okay being here soon because I want you to be here. I need you to be here too. The world needs you here too. I know you’re coming, and I’ll be here when you’re redy [sic].

            I love you so much.

I love you too.

            Are you safe?

I will be.

            I’ll be there soon. Please know you’re loved. You’re so brave, and I can’t wait to meet you again and give you a big hug. I’ll see you soon. (active imagination, February 5, 2021)

Witnessing her bravery and reconnecting with her renewed a sense of hope and connection within me, and it reignited my desire to begin my rescue mission and to heal. I believe this also prepared me for the following dreams and somatic experience which occurred over the next two days. I woke up from this dream the morning of February 6:

I am in the alley behind my mom’s house with her. I am in high school, but I don’t look how I looked in high school. It is maybe closer to how I look now. We are walking together and she seems anxious so I ask her what is going on. She is concerned about the time, and we figure out it is 2. She seems more flustered. When I ask her why, she says it is because she is missing her show. I ask her what show, and it is a show for children along the lines of Mister Rogers but hosted by Ghislaine Maxwell, who is in jail for child trafficking. I say something about how messed up that is and how shocked I am that a network would air that. And she makes some nonchalant comment about it and brushes it off. I ask why she would watch something like that, and she gives some bullsh*t answer about how it is addicting, and she doesn’t seem to care that it is problematic, concerning, or wrong. I walk with her in silence and am disappointed that this is on air, that she watches it, and that she is upset about missing it.

Later that day or week, I am ready for prom and am going with my best friend who I also have a huge crush on. I suspect he has a crush on me too and hope that maybe he’ll ask me out or kiss me tonight. I am waiting in my house. It is the house I grew up in, but it looks different inside. I am dressed in a beautiful light blue gown and my hair is flowing and beautiful. I am more beautiful than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I am radiant, and it isn’t just outer beauty. All the beautiful feminine strength, love, and energy is radiating out of me, and I look like how I imagine a goddess looks and am exuding that energy as well. I feel strong and beautiful and powerful. He shows up at the house, and I can tell he is overcome with emotion and that I have taken his breath away. It seems like he is going to say something about how beautiful I look or something kind, but as I said “hi” in a very energetic way because of how excited I am to see him, his energy abruptly changes and he says something somewhat shortly and then says “we’re going to be late” in a curt and demeaning way. (personal journal, February 7, 2021)

I recalled the following later:

We are in the house with our parents to take pictures before the dance, but this never happens. I believe both his parents are present along with my mom. Everyone is very uncomfortable with me radiating strong feminine energy, and no one knows what to do with it. They feel very threatened by it. (personal journal, February 7, 2021)

I had not slept well that night and awoke abruptly to my cat’s yowling as I had overslept, and her breakfast was late. There was not much time to record or work with the dream prior to class, but the associations upon which I came using Freud’s method, in which I brought my “impressions” (Freud, 2001, p. 4) to the fore through relating my conscious awareness and my past experiences to the dream images, were painfully clear to me. My mother was prioritizing a predator above my safety and my needs, and she was incredibly uncomfortable with me stepping back into my power. She facilitated my abuse in a way that paralleled Ghislaine Maxwell’s activities, although I believe my mother did so unknowingly. Less than a week prior to this dream, I moved back to the town in which I grew up and into an apartment with my step-sister. My mother and step-dad married shortly before I began high school, and old wounds reopened quickly. During high school, I went out of my way to flood my life with extracurricular activities to distract myself from the pain, and because I never showed it, I did not receive much emotional support. My divine inner feminine, which was already stifled, was essentially snuffed out, and yet, here in the dream, she reemerged albeit not fully integrated yet as she still desired approval from the mother and the animus.

During the lecture, we were given time to work with a dream figure or image through active imagination, and I chose the goddess who either visited through me in the dream or whose energy I embodied. I wrote a series of musings and questions in a stream of consciousness fashion before she spoke:

know this is true
know you are true
the disapproval has no space in your life or purpose, validity, or truth.
you are power. you are magic. you are divine. the goddess is within you, + you are within her. embrace her. embrace you. embrace yourself. embrace your truth. embrace your power. let your light shine + step into your magic. revel in your beauty + the beauty of your soul. allow the world to see your magic and you… (active imagination, February 6, 2021)

We were called back into class before I could finish, but somehow, I believe that the message ended there intentionally, allowing for an infinite number of possibilities and potential futures. I believe the messages carried over into the dream from which I awoke the next morning. Although I only remembered a few images, it was powerful and numinous enough to leave a lasting impression:

I am kneeling over a lake in what I sort of imagine a forest or landscape from Arthurian times to look like or something out of the legends of Avalon or where Druids would practice and celebrate. It is dusk but much closer to darkness than to light. I do not pay enough attention to the weather to remember it, but there is magic in the air. I know I am not scared and I feel at home or at least comfortable here. I do not see any animals, but I am aware of being surrounded by the magic of the natural world and the forest, and I am part of it. I am at the edge of the lake, but I am also in the lake and come up from I’m not sure where – I do not know if the lake is bottomless or if there is a bottom, but it is far deeper than what I think is normal for a lake. My higher self sees both versions of me – the one waiting on the land and the one in the water as I come towards the surface and ascend from the depths and step onto the land. Me on the edge of the lake sees her come out and knows it is her turn and that I have been reborn / that my true self has returned and is born. (personal journal, February 7, 2021)

During our class that day, we were led through a somatic exercise in which we were guided through meditation and movement to embody our dreams. The following is my reflection from the experience of moving with and in response to the images and from working with a witness afterwards:

I started lying on my back and ended up spending a lot of time in child’s pose, moving my arms around a lot. My conscious mind kept wanting me to stay down, but my body kept trying to move up. It felt like an energetic war, and I was wanting to cry. I felt like I needed to stay small, but my body and Self were begging/fighting to rise. Every few minutes, I rose a bit higher off the ground, but I was still hunched or curled up. Eventually I elevated myself enough off the ground to get kind of into a stance like how a sprinter coils up before running, and I was about to rise when the exercise started to come to a close so I stood, and it felt very powerful, but also I was sad that I didn’t get to do it on my own time as it felt rushed and less organic. But it felt freeing as well and like old was shedding.

The first question my dream partner asked me was if I carried any shame. And that really hit hard given my intense desire to stay small and hidden. My hair covered my face most of the time. He mentioned that Aphrodite was born fully grown out of the water and reminded me that in addition to her other roles, She was goddess of Beauty like the radiant beauty that comes from self-love. So I think every day I’m going to visualize myself being reborn in this way, coming through the water, and as I ascend, have the shame wash off me and step into my power and love and call that energy into my life through meditation every day. (personal journal, February 7, 2021)

The insights I received during this exercise were hugely significant. Within the dream and the movement exercise, there was an overwhelming energy of rebirth after death. My witness noticed this as well, and he shared that the images and energies reminded him of Persephone and her journey. Since this dream, I have found solace in engaging with both Goddesses and in calling the energies they embody into my life. Johnson referred to this as “the fourth step of Active Imagination” (1986, p. 196), which can be done by “acting out” (1986, p. 197) the content, or you can “incarnate it by doing a physical ritual or by integrating it into your practical life” (1986, p. 197). While it was just an idea in my journal, I kept my commitment and followed through on this important inner work. Every time I step into the shower, I imagine all the shame washing away from me, and I step out of the shower renewed. I meditate with this feeling of radical self-love every day, but there is so much rich material for engagement within these dreams and images that I have barely scratched the surface.

About a week later, I entered into a sort of dream-like state and just let myself paint. Figure 3 is of the dream image from this final dream, and Figure 4 is how I felt when I embraced and embodied a state of radical self-love.

Figure 3
Emerging from the Lake
Mix of teal and blue paints poured horizontally on the canvas to create a body of water with the suggestion of an outline of a woman in silver woman emerging from it
Note. By H. Shields, 2021.

Figure 4
Radical Self Love
Textured swirls of gold and pink atop a purple and magenta background
Note. By H. Shields, 2021.

It is incredible what can occur when existing in a state of “dreamtime consciousness” (Aizenstat, 2011, p. 159) during waking life. Dreams are not limited to the world of slumber or to the mind but are “a revelation of the living psyche, a dimension of experiences that exists everywhere, at all times, and includes all phenomena” (2011, pp. 159-160). I had no intention of creating a figure emerging from the water; I just poured paint, and she appeared.

Since engaging with the dream through paintings, I have been visited by dream figures and guides who have provided guidance, comfort, and inspiration on this path towards healing, wholeness, and rebirth. Some have come to visit without invitation, and others have come when I was not even in the dream state. Aizenstat attested to the powerful numinous experiences that can occur when entering into direct relationship with our dream images, which he calls hosting (2011, p. 40). He noted that “connecting to our imaginal intelligence opens the doors that lead to our fullest capacities” (2011, p. 53), which is something we can gain through these relationships, and with time and patience, “a new and important possibility arises: the capacity for revelation” (2011, p. 46). The relationships I have developed with these figures and their messages I hold with such sacredness that I do not wish to share them at this time, but they are important to note as the information they conveyed was groundbreaking and was the impetus for a very recent breakthrough noted below. I am grateful for what has emerged from this so far and am excited for what will unfold in the future.

As a result of all the healing materials that I have experienced in the dream world and in relationship with the images that I have begun integrating into waking life, I feel as though everything that no longer serves me and everything that was put on me that was not mine to carry is being stripped away. I am slowly getting to know my true self again. Even though I knew intellectually that what happened to me as a child was not my fault and that I was not bad, I have spent the majority of my life really believing that was so. On Tuesday, March 16, I started to believe the truth, and the following weeks, while intense, have been truly magical.

Jung wrote in his Collected Works:

The dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and secret recesses of the soul, opening into that cosmic night which was psyche long before there was any ego-consciousness, and which will remain psyche no matter how far our ego-consciousness extends. (as cited in Whitmont & Perera, 1989, p. 180)

Since childhood, I have felt trapped in a prison built for me by my family, but I was the one who eventually chose to close the doors and lock myself in. The prison is mine alone, and I can explore it at will, but there is a basement that is dark and terrifying, which I have avoided for many years. In the basement, there is a door. I had no idea what was on the other side, but I knew it could be nothing good. My dreams as doors helped me feel brave enough to visit the basement. On March 16, I finally opened the door and found it was the way out all along.

I am turning thirty this year and have no idea what the future has in store for me, which is honestly exhilarating. I did not think I would make it this long given all that I and others have done to hurt my body and spirit; it is truly miraculous that I am here. For the first time in my life, I want to be here, and because I am finally listening to the source, the pain is dwindling. While there is still anger to be processed, I am excited, and I finally believe in my soul that I was not at fault or responsible for what happened to me as a child and that I am good. As the Goddess spoke to me through my active imagination, I am realizing that I am power, magic, and divine. Around this time last year, I worked with my non-dominant hand drawing and writing affirmations while in an altered state of consciousness and produced the following which aligns with and reinforces the message from Her last month: “I am power, beauty, love, kindness, magic, peace, me, heather, infinite” (personal sketchbook, February 2020).

I can now happily say I finally believe this, and while this work has been incredibly painful, and there is still much to do, I am grateful and feel so immensely blessed. Working with my dreams and my dream images has played an integral role in getting me to this point, and after peeling back the years of untruths, I see an inner strength that is powerful and beautiful. Just like the young version of me throwing her arms in the air having seen the sun for the first time after years in the underworld, I am free. My final dream in which I emerged from the water has spurred me onwards to integrating Self, and because she is/I am back, I can finally go rescue my little two year old self who has been waiting for so long. It is time for us to re/emerge, and I cannot wait to meet her again.


Aizenstat, S. (2011). Dream tending: Awakening to the healing power of dreams. Spring Journal, Inc.
Freud, S. (2001). On dreams. Dover Publications.
Johnson, R. (1986). Inner work: Using dreams and active imagination for personal growth. HarperOne.
Jung, C. G. (2009). The red book: Liber novus. (S. Shamdasani, Ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.
Jung, C. G. (2010). Dreams. Princeton University Press.
Stone, A. (1992). Persephone’s First Season in Hell. Poetry, 161(1), 22.
Whitmont, E. C., & Perera, S. B. (1989). Dreams, a portal to the source. Routledge.

Sacred and Profane

Lol. 😂😂😂 I was a bit surprised when I received this book. It’s not the book that I meant to order; it’s actually the shadow side of the book that I intended to order. It has the same title.

It’s funny to recognize the clever “tricks” our unconscious plays on us to humble us and expose our own shadowy parts

So maybe, I should take a break from the scholarly to explore the raunchy.

I blush as I can’t believe I’m posting this… but it’s too good not to share.

I have a feeling my late and beloved con-cat, who always played tricks on me and who is a metaphor for feminine instinct, had something to do with the mixup.

God needs Man in order to become conscious of himself.

Man’s whole history consists from the very beginning in a conflict between his feeling of inferiority and his arrogance. The dawning of consciousness begins with the awareness of the opposites

Since we hate what we fear, we must wrestle with our rage and arrive at a conciliatory attitude and make propitiation. Otherwise, we are obliged to wrestle with our terror until we can extract the courage needed to meet with fear and rage face to face. The God appears first in hostile form, as an assailant with whom the hero has to wrestle.

This is in keeping with the violence of all unconscious dynamism. In this manner the god manifests himself and in this form he must be overcome. The onslaught of instinct then becomes the experience of divinity, provided that man does not succumb to it and follow it blindly, but defends his humanity against the animal nature of the divine power. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

God needs man in order to become conscious.

-C.G. Jung

Today, one month ago, our home in New Mexico exploded. A propane water heater malfunctioned, and caused a massive explosion that was so powerful it knocked us off our feet and ignited our home in flames. We scrambled to put on clothes and find our cat. We grabbed nothing because we spent every possible second searching for our cat,until the poisonous gasses, black smoke and violent flames chased us out.

Nothing survived that fire… The house was made of brick adobe… which I thought would be more fire proof, when in fact, it acts as a giant kiln oven that incinerates everything. There was nothing left. We only cared about saving the cat and each other… and each other is why we didn’t die looking for our cat. We lost our magic cat. We are beyond heart broken. The loss of our home, the loss of all of our belongings, and the impact of nearly losing our lives in an explosion are not the losses that we are grieving. We are not replaying our loss or trauma over and over in our minds. Instead, we play cat videos.

We both have tons of videos on our phone of that funny and wise cat. We laugh, we cry, we grieve, we remember him, we miss him… we’ll always love him. He’s still taking care of us. He’s magic. He’s a master teacher who came to us disguised as a mouser. And we recognized him…

There is much more that I will soon write about our cat and his magic, about our house that was enchanted, about our initiation into Being, but I would like to keep this post as brief as possible… and begin rebuilding with a foundation of gratitude

I’m grateful for our neighbors who took such good care of us. They brought us food, water, chocolate, warm clothing, blankets, towels, toiletries, and essentials. They offered us their homes, should we need a place to stay. They came over and helped us search for our buddy, our cat and are all continuing to watch out for him in case he somehow escaped the fire. I am so grateful and amazed at the generosity and compassion extended to us by the members of our community. Thank you so much.

I also want to thank our fire fighters who are all volunteers. We live off grid and it’s not easy… there are no fire hydrants off grid. The fire took out the electricity to our well. It seems that a crucial element in fighting fire is water. So, our fire fighters recruited at least four different fire departments and borrowed trucks from other departments to haul water to fight the fire and made sure it didn’t spread to our neighbors. I want to thank our friend and fire chief Carl Hanson, for helping us get through this. Your leadership and care are really felt in our community. I also want to thank the Madrid, turquoise trail, Santa Fe county, and Galisteo fire departments for coming together and organizing the massive operation and amount of resources that it took to put out the fire.

I also want to thank our friend and soul family, Netters , for listening to her intuition, for opening her third eye, for opening her depth of heart and soul, and for opening up home and insisting that we stay with her. Thank you for taking care of us and for using your professional expertise in helping us make informed decisions.

I also have so much gratitude for our house and the energy that occupied it. She made us strong.

Wonder Child

I got excited and gave Jenni all her presents early. Lol. So I stayed up all night and painted this for Jenni. I’m not a painter, so it’s good that J cares more about meaning than perfection. Besides, when she wakes up… she’ll help me fix that neck and chin right up. Lol. She’s an expert on babies, and she’s a really good artist. I’ll post a pic later if she’s up for helping me with her own present. Ha.

I was thinking about Christmas and what it means. It doesn’t seem like a good time to bring a child into the world. Yet… it’s times like these that seem to be the climate for the birth of new energies.

J is known by those, to whom she calls her own as “Mother Nurture.” I learned from J the most important lesson In my life, “Real love never goes away.” She showed me it was real… and believe me… I tested it.

Real love is scary. It’s a transforming force. It’s not to be confused with the neurotic sentimentality we confuse with love. Real love burns away illusions. It strips you naked. Makes you totally vulnerable. If we can surrender—that’s where the love/God enters. God enters through the wound.

It seems that God is incarnating in the human heart. Indeed… only the human heart can change and transform God. We are changed and transformed as well. To know and to be known belongs to the dimension of relationship. That is redeeming. True relationship requires equality. One cannot feel oneself to be either superior or inferior and have relationship.

That’s where creation takes place.

It’s scary because love requires trust. That’s really hard…true love first brings brings out the worst… because the worst is the worst because it’s never been loved. So… I think everyone needs a friend where you can learn to love the worst…or what you thought was the worst. Because what we think is the worst usually contains that divine spark we all have within us.

Maybe there is no bad… just a lot of untransformed, unparented, unloved, untamed, good. We could all do a lot with some self-compassion.

I know I probably sound like Pollyanna, and I haven’t slept because I was painting. I don’t have my usual filter. That thing get in my way anyways.

We all need a friend. None of us can see our own backside. It seems even Yahweh needed his friend, Moses, to look at his backside. Exodus 33–33 is a magic number. God needs the human to become conscious. That just hit me right now… I’m gonna get back to you on that.

We all need someone to love us just as we are.

That’s the kind of friend I needed… to give that kind of love to be able to have that kind of love for my Self.

It’s a crazy thing… I found that the thing I yearned for was already right there inside of me. You know that yearning hunger longing feeling right in the center of your chest right above your stomach?

That feeling is our guide. It’s a signal that a spiritual connection is already there. It’s a calling card. It takes a shit ton courage to pick up the phone.

In order to respond… we have to know we are worthy. Worth is not based what you do or what you have. Your worth is inherent. Your worth is just being who you are. We are all a part of God, and God is worthy. So… you are worthy, as God is worthy, and as I am worthy. Nothing can fall out of God. We are all connected, and we are all here for a reason. I just wanted to say what is in my heart and celebrate the Christ Child within.

The symbolism of the Thief is not what you might think

I think people fear certain symbols in dreams and in even tarot readings. We apply our western judgements and morals to symbols and we fail to see that the potential that a symbol, such as, thief, devil, or death, for instance, might carry qualities that we need to integrate in our lives in order to be whole. We tend to only see the negative side and don’t see the positive side in the symbol.

Here is an excerpt from Robert A Johnson from his book: : “Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth” discussing the meaning of the thief in dreams.

If there is a thief in your dream, it doesn’t literally mean that you are a thief. The dream uses this dramatic image to get your attention and tell you that you need to wake up to something inside you. It may be that you have been dishonest with yourself in some way. If so, you need to be aware of it and deal with it. But the image of the thief may also mean that you have repressed some fine quality in yourself, figuratively “locked it out” of your life, and the only way it can get back into your life is to “break in” like a burglar.

Because we often repress the best parts of ourselves and think of them as “negative” qualities, some of the richest parts of the self—even the voice of God itself—can only partake in our lives by “stealing” our time, stealing our energy through compulsions and neurosis, and slipping into our lives in the unprotected places where our guard is down:

Of the times and seasons, brethren, you have no need that I write you. For yourselves know perfectly that the Day of the Lord cometh as a thief in the night. (Paul, to the Thessalonians)

Our egos divide the world into positive and negative, good and bad. Most aspects of our shadows, these qualities that we see as “negative,” would in fact be valuable strengths if we made them gconscious. Characteristics that look immoral, barbaric, or embarrassing to us are the “negative” side of a valuable energy, a capacity we could make use of. You will never find anything in the unconscious that will not be useful and good when it is made conscious and brought to the right level.

What part of you will be hidden behind this symbol, the thief? Perhaps a lively trickster, with all sorts of surprising talents. Perhaps a juvenile delinquent in you who has never been allowed to grow up and put his heroic urge into something useful and mature. Perhaps it is Dionysus, who has had to hide out in the unconscious because you have no natural place for his ecstatic and lyrical spirit in the midst of your purposive life.

Only you will be able to say what part of you is represented by this symbol if it appears in your dream—for it is your own unconscious that holds the clues. But you may be sure that if you give it its place, and hear what it has to say, it will be revealed as a valuable part of your inner self.

Curiously, people usually resist their good qualities even more emphatically than they resist facing their negative qualities. There may be a character in your dream who behaves in a noble and courageous way. Since that inner person is part of you, its qualities are also yours. So long as you are facing your negative and immature traits squarely, you also have a duty to acknowledge the fine qualities in yourself, and to live them consciously.

Excerpt from: “Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth” by Robert A. Johnson.

The Shadow and Evil in Fairy Tales

The Shadow and Evil in Fairy Tales by Marie Louise von Franz. I have little doubt that the secrets of the universe are coded in fairy tales. Metaphor, symbols, and dreams are the language of the Soul, and the Soul is life itself. True fairy tales that are passed down through generations are like a newspaper article that reflect the situation, outline the challenges, and offer the solution to both our individual and collective lives.

If you can understand the metaphor, you can find the solution. Our dreams give us secret hints every night, but so often we don’t understand them. They seem bizarre and they don’t make logical sense to us. So we don’t pay attention to them and don’t see that the solution lies in the dream. Jungian Analyst, Daryl Sharp said, that has yet to find a dream motif that he couldn’t also find in mythology or fairy tales. That is because they speak the same language… The language of the Soul.

The Shadow and Evil in Fairy Tales has been an invaluable resource to me in re-thinking about life using metaphor. For instance, the shoemaker in dreams is not simply one who makes shoes, but he is a figure who’s artitude is oriented with a stand point toward reality. He has “both feet on the ground” so to speak. To put yourself in someone else’s shoes, means to look at the situation from that person’s stand point. If we “walk in our father’s footsteps” this means we are taking on the same attitude as our father. To have “big shoes to fill” can be both an exciting challenge and a daunting hardship. Especially, as expectations have already been set before you arrived. There is already another standpoint that that you are to be compared with—which is never fun in my opinion. There is often a power complex associated with the foot. To stand on one’ own two feet is to stand in one’s own power, to be independent, and supporting one’s self. In battle, the victor puts often his foot on the neck of the defeated who now has to go with what the victor says.

“We know that from the story of Achilles that the heel is a particularly sensitive spot of the hero. First, the heel is on one’s back side; therefore it signifies a place where one does not see oneself very well— where one is unconscious of oneself. Such places are unguarded and vulnerable to evil forces. Secondly l, the heel has to do with the foot and therefore is associated with one’s standpoint. Achilles help problems represents the mother complex, because it was the place where the mother held Achilles as she dipped him in the river. “ Marie Louise Von Franz – The Mother Archetype in Fairy Tales

Shoes also have a sexual connotation—-think of shoe fetishes and the foot being the penis and the shoe being the vagina. Think of women and their shoe collection—you could say that there is some correlation to sexuality and shoes that is an unconscious factor in women’s who own a lot of shoes. But you cannot only say that owning a lot of shoes is only due to a sexual unconscious drive. For shoes have historically also been correlated with social status and lack of shoes with poverty. In some places in older days, only the wealthy had more than one pair of shoes. You hear of the poor orphan children who always needed shoes or had no shoes. Yet you still cannot say for sure that the woman with a lot of shoes is is related to only sexual reasons or that she is concerned with status… it could be also that she is a creative person who likes a lot of options and can’t make up their mind yet as to a direction, or you might have a person who is having a hard time letting go of old outworn and out grown attitudes, beliefs, and ideas. So… it depends on the person. You cannot tell just by a person having a lot of shoes… you must also know them personally.

Shoes and feet have been historically correlated to cleanliness, hygiene, and were seen as offensive. In recent years, there have been a number of shoe throwing incidents known as “shoeing” that is meant as an insult and is a statement of political protest. The bottom of your shoes make contact with the ground of everyday life and carry with them all the dust and dirt. This is why in many cultures, we take our shoes of before entering a home.

Moses is asked to take his shoes off because he is standing on holy ground. This might mean that he is moving between realms, from the physical to the spiritual. His shoes, which have contact with the reality of the physical world, must be taken off in order to enter the spiritual dimension. He is now to view reality from the spiritual standpoint. He cannot enter in the spiritual realm wearing the same protective attitude. He must take his shoes off, take off defenses, take off your old attitude, take off your old view of of what fits reality, come naked, be vulnerable, be open. Moses, you are on Holy Ground, you are in the spiritual dimension, your true home, take your shoes off, see reality from the realm spiritual realm and I will show you Wonders. At any encounter with the Self… we must approach the numinous with humility. Meaning that we have no expectations, no pretenses, we take off old ideology or theology, we are willing to change our standpoint.

One thought that I just had was that when reading fairy tales or studying dreams. We take our shoes off metaphorically, so to speak. Our thinking is no longer confined or limited by the physical world and its laws, we are no longer limited by three-dimensional logic. Taking things too literally has caused a lot of problems for us, such as strife, religious dogma, and war. We cannot approach the spiritual dimension the same way as we work in the physical. Nature has a set of laws, and spirit has a set of laws. Both nature and spirit follow their laws. Animals are true to their instincts. Nature is true to her times and seasons. Humans are both nature and spirit—we have two sets of laws that we are doing out best to follow. It’s really not easy for us. You should really not be so hard on yourself. To be human is a contradiction. It’s a paradox to be both a creature of nature and also carry a divine spark that results in consciousness. It is no easy task be a carrier of God’s consciousness. But that is what is so special about being human…we are unifying the opposites. We are working out the issues so that nature can have life and life can have express nature. Life is another name for all things Spirit and Soul.

One more thing about the foot and interpretations. I got off on a tangent. The christian bible is an ancient text and ancient texts are all written metaphorically. Jesus tells a parable about binding a man hand and foot, and casting him in outer darkness where the is gnashing of teeth. To be bound hand and foot would be to be bound in his works and in his ways…gnashing of teeth is the eating of hard experiences. Metaphor is crucial in interpreting or understanding any ancient text… that was the language. If we take it literally we miss the whole thing and we do much harm.

That was my soapbox. This book is a great resource. I love the author because she says things clearly. There are some resources , including a copy of this book, that are available for download on our website. Our website is still being put together, as I am still being put together.

The maiden King

I’ve returned to this book over and over again. This book was what introduced me to the Baba Yaga, the nature goddess, who lives in a hut that spins around dancing on a chicken leg. She is the dark side of The Good Mother. She does not tolerate anything inauthentic, she will gobble you up. Her intention in devouring you is not to harm you… just eat away at all the things that will harm you. She might swallow up a job, that is sucking the life out us. She might cause us to get sick, so we can go within and find the real source of life. She might leave you directionless… so you can go on the search for meaning. She is death in the service of life.

The wicked stepmother on the other hand is life in the service of death. Her motives are selfish and block creativity. It’s that voice that says, “you’re crazy? who do you think you are? You’re just going to embarrass yourself. You’re not good enough to paint, it’s a waste of time. Get to work… stop being lazy.” The stepmother is also known as the culture mother. The Baba Yaga forces us to stop blaming and accept responsibility for our own lives and live creativity—there are no guarantees as to what might come out of truly living. We don’t ever know what will come of it. But there comes a time where we all find ourselves in a place where we cannot tolerate living inauthentically—that place is known as the Baba Yaga’s house, where all that we have accepted is challenged. Dealing with her requires that we be in touch with our own Life-Force, our essence, our Soul.

Who is watching?

We exist in many parallel worlds. That is to say… who we think we are in this world is only but a small fraction of who we truly are. We cannot know our totality, our vastness, or our who we truly are in our fullness. We live simultaneously in other dimensions. This earthly existence is not our only life. We are not only who we are on earth in this lifetime that we are now conscious of… we are infinitely more.

This sort of thing is hard to wrap our head around. The language that we use to describe such phenomenon seems esoteric and not easy to understand. Words such as dimensions and parallel universes give us no starting point for our imagination. Imagination is the place where things are understood, mystery is unveiled, and things hidden are seen.

So, to feed your own imagination I will share with you what goes on in my experiences, imagination, and mind space… my window into other worlds, other lifetimes, and other dimensions.

Carl Jung had a dream that he saw a UFO (who knows whether it was a dream or that he really saw one and couldn’t yet say that he had). He thought that he was projecting the UFO. If we think of a movie projector… the projector device projects images on a screen. We watch the screen and not the projector. So, he thought that he was projecting this UFO… that it was coming from his own mind. Then… he had the realization that he was not projecting the UFO, but that the UFO was projecting him. In that moment he realized that he was the screen and not the source.

Let me explain from my own life…

I had a similar thing happen when I was very young. I’m not sure how old I was, but I was born on March 5, 1984 at 4:25 pm in Bellflower California. It was the day of a solar eclipse… so maybe I was two or three years old. I remember the day very clearly, it was like I was seeing the day through polarized glasses. We were picking oranges from my grandfather’s tree, and we watched the solar eclipse with his welding helmet. Afterward, I was sitting on the porch with my grandma and grandpa and I looked up…. I saw a flying saucer flying and then it stopped. There was a moment… a connection. I never said anything, but in my silence I knew that moment was profound and important. I have never forgotten that moment, even though I didn’t totally understand what it meant. A few years ago, I had a day where I could only describe it as cosmic. It was a day where this reality and the mystical reality beyond this one collided. I had many revelations and became conscious of how things in my life—even painful things—all connected together for my good, for my development, and for my life’s purpose. I pulled out my journal and began working through my emotion with tears and amazement at how I have been held and guided by a mysterious “something” throughout all of my life’s ups and downs. It was in that moment that I remembered the instance where I saw the UFO while sitting on the porch. However, this time, was different. I saw from a different angle. I saw my little girl self looking up at me. I saw saw my little hot pink jacket with blue stripes down the sleeves, my white shirt, my jean skirt, with my white and pink sneakers, with white lace socks. I could see my look of wonder combined with an inner sense of knowing—even though my little self could not yet comprehend that she was seeing herself in another realm, in another dimension… she had the inner knowing to hold the memory and the possibility of what it could mean. Looking down from the other end of that cosmic gaze was the more conscious part of that little girl. We could say… higher self… one of them… at least….the part of me who knew her, and knew she was me.

I chose this story to help us think about things both ordinary and extraordinary in a more connected way. I think that when people say that we are from the stars or that we are made of stardust it can sound trite or clichè. Most of us can’t connect to that… we don’t see the connection because we haven’t been moved by the stars in a way where they move back. Our generation hasn’t figure out that the reason why the ancients looked to stars and spoke to the sky was because the stars have a way of communicating to us. Not only are we moved, but they are moved, and they move. If you see a star and it resonates with you or catches your attention, focus on it, communicate with it in your heart and mind. See what happens… see what comes up for you. It may dance, or you might dance. You might tell it how beautiful it is… or you might realize your own beauty. It may or may not be something that you see with you eyes, but if you know the language of the heart then the lines of conscious communication will open wide.

We’ve lost our wonder because nature is no longer numinous to us. We don’t see stars and planets and animals and plants as having a consciousness compatible with our own. Animals and sometimes even plants have been able to slip under our radar and have an exchange and a relationship with us. In our age of reason, stars have been reduced to balls of gas and so we don’t consider that they hold consciousness and have the ability to not only be seen, but also to see. And what about our Great Mother Earth, who has given birth to us all, who adheres to seasons and times, who makes food grow and provides the raw materials for us to find our own way and become whoever it is we choose to be? Is she not alive? Is she not conscious?…or are we not conscious?

Let me take you back to the incident with the UFO when I was a child. Although I had the experience with the UFO, and I held that experience in my memory… I still pushed the experience in the back of my mind and kept it there until I was ready. In fact, for most of my life I didn’t even believe that UFO’s exist. If someone were to talk about aliens or UFO’s, I would have the typical eye-rolling reaction and think that person was a kook and a little off their rocker. UFO’s and extraterrestrials didn’t fit within my belief system… my very narrow fundamentalist belief system, which is why my higher self probably came to me in the form of a UFO. My view of reality would have to expand in order to incorporate what I saw. At a sensitive time in my development that other worldly experience imprinted within my young mind the possibility of expanding my awareness beyond the ordinary.

The Crone

Excerpt from an interview with

Marion Woodman

– Conscious Femininity

The feminine in many guides like the Black Madonna and the Crone is erupting in individuals….

The Crone

…I want to say one other thing about the feminine because the feminine always comes in threes: mythologically there are the three graces, the three Norns, the three wyrd sisters. We have talked about Mother and Virgin. The third is the Crone, she is the woman who has gone through her crossroads. The crossroads represents a place where consciousness is crossed by the unconscious in other words, a place where you have to surrender your ego will to a higher will. The Crone has gone though one crossroads after another. She has reached a place of surrender where her ego demands are no longer relevant. This is the positive side of the Crone. She is a surrendered instrument and therefore detached.

Detachment doesn’t mean indifference. It means she has been there. She has suffered, but she can draw back from the suffering. A conscious person in the presence of an unconscious person’s pain may suffer more than the unconscious person. So, it’s not that she doesn’t suffer. It’s not that she’s indifferent or withdrawn. She’s right there, totally present. She’s got nothing to lose. She can be who she is and live with the straight, flat-out, naked truth. Therefore the Crone acts as a tuning fork in an environment because she is so real herself. She rings a true tone. People are brought into harmony with that tuning, so it’s very releasing. People can respond to their own true tone. The Crone can afford to be honest. She’s not playing games anymore. She brings people into that soul space where all outer conflicts dissolve and they can experience their own essence.

CB: As I listen to this, I imagine a journey to that stage involves an enormous amount of sacrifice. I think it’s risky to go to that stage.

MW: It is risky.

CB: Usually, when we think of the Crone, she has a negative image—unlovable, for example

MW: The silly old woman at the end of town, the hag

CB: The crazy lady.

MW: Of course, in a selfish narcissistic society this kind of femininity does look crazy, unless you’re in real trouble and you want somebody who understands and who is empathic and has no desire for power.

She has nothing to lose. Who she is cannot be taken away from her. She has no investment in ego. Therefore, there is no power operating. She’s the kind of person you can honestly talk to, profoundly trust. She has no reason to persuade you to do anything or be anything other than who you are.

She’s a perfect mirror for a person. You talk to her and she’ll mirror you right back. I don’t mean to idealize her. I know there is a negative side to the Crone, but your own tuning fork will tell you whether she’s lived through her own crossroads. If she hasn’t, don’t trust her. She’ll be into power. Another quality of a mature Crone is a developed masculinity.

CB: In what sense?

MW: I would think of her masculinity as being very discerning, with no sentimentality. She would be able to cut with a well-honed sword. She would be able to see what is no longer essential to life, a relationship, for example, that has become destructive. She would perceive it, see through to the heart of it, and cut where necessary, but cut with love. I always envision her wielding a golden sword with a silver handle. All the perceptivity of gold, but handled with the love of silver. The masculine and feminine together. She has the kind of wisdom that takes life with a grain of salt, smiles at the divine comedy.

I have known four or five Crones, two of them men. I have gone to them when I thought I couldn’t go any further. Their love was palpable. No advice. Simply being, saying almost nothing. I knew I was totally seen and totally understood. They could constellate my own inner healer because they could see me as I am.

CB: The condition of the Crone is truthfulness. The fact that there are no illusions creates a container. You can be naked. This is healing.

MW: Exactly. When you are naked, the truth sets you free no matter how awful it is. She’s willing to be naked, too. Now we come back to the Black Madonna. Real love happens when embodied soul meets embodied soul. Not in spirit, not in that disembodied world where we want to be perfect, but in life, when we’re changing the diapers of someone we love who is dying of cancer, swabbing their lips, when we’re doing things we didn’t think we could do, when we’re stripped of all prideful. Our friend is stripped; we are stripped. There is no false modesty. We are stripped of everything that is unreal and the two of us are there together. I can’t even put it into words. Where soul meets soul, that’s love.

It hasn’t got anything to do with what generally passes for love in our culture. That’s just neurotic need. This other is a power that comes through a finely tuned instrument, a container strong enough to receive it. It opens your heart. A real Crone can bring you into touch with that.

I knew an old man, a fabulous Crone, who saved my life. E.A. Bennet, whom I write about in my books, was an eighty-year-old analyst. He could put me in touch with my feelings when I, who was so smart and rational, couldn’t feel anything. He would just sit there and feel for me until I got the message. Tears would start to run down my face, not because I was sad, but because I recognized myself. I was picking up my own feeling from him. Then I realized what I really do value. He could perceive the feeling values I had lost touch with.

I think such people will be incredibly important in the future.

The Boogey Man, Loneliness, and the “It”

Excerpt from Marie Louise Von Franz, the Shadow and Evil in Fairy Tales

One may wonder whether it is physical loneliness or spiritual or mental loneliness which seems to invite possession by evil. Personally, I would say both. In the stories I have told it is mainly physical loneliness, being alone out in the woods or mountains, though nowadays with overpopulation one can be just as lonely in a tenth-story flat in a town as people were in the Amazonian forests. That is mental loneliness but also, in a way, physical loneliness. The Arabs in the Sahara Desert say that a man should never approach a woman who lives alone close to the desert, for she certainly has a secret lover, a jinn, a desert spirit. There again is the motif of loneliness. On the other hand, in Christian and Buddhist traditions loneliness is something sought after by people who strive for saintliness and higher spiritual and religious conscious development. If you take that into account, you can say that loneliness invites the powers of the Beyond, either evil or good. The natural explanation would be that the amount of energy normally used in relating to one’s surroundings is dammed back into oneself and activates the unconscious, loads up the unconscious part of the psyche, so that if for a long time one is alone, one’s unconscious will come alive, and then you are caught for better or for worse; either the devil will get you or you will find greater inner realization. If you introvert in this way, as has been reported by people who strove for saintliness in the past, at first you will always be attacked by devils, because at first this energy strengthens what we would call the autonomous complexes in the unconscious. These become more intensified, and before you have worked them out, the fruit of loneliness will not be positive but it will mean fighting with twenty thousand different devils.

I once tried that myself. Having read in Jung that the saints in the desert found that such isolation strengthened their unconscious, I thought that I must try that out! It was my curiosity behavior, you see, the one thing I warned you against! I naturally tried it out in my youth and so imprisoned myself in a hut in the mountains in the snow. I felt perfectly happy because I occupied myself the whole day with cooking, with what I was going to eat next, and that one pattern of behavior prevented me from getting caught by other devils. Being by nature introverted, if I went once a day to the village to get bread and milk and exchanged comments about the weather, that was quite sufficient to keep me in balance, so the effect was nil! But then I reinforced the cure and bought everything in tins so I would not have to go to the village. But I still went around skiing, so that I also stopped. Finally I forced myself, with only a pencil and paper to write down my dreams and possible fantasies, to sit the whole day and do nothing, to cook only very quickly cooked boring stuff—spaghetti or something like that—so that couldn’t take all my energy, and the first experience I had was that time began to drag! It dragged like hell! I looked at my watch and it was ten o’clock. I sat and listened to the birds and the snow water dripping on the roof and thought I had sat an eternity, but it was only ten-thirty and not yet time to cook the spaghetti, and so on, forever. It was interesting, because I had once had a patient who had been in an acute psychotic episode in Burghölzli, and the first day she was in the asylum she had exactly the same experience, namely that time dragged, minutes were eternity. This got worse, but I stuck it out, and then the unconscious became alive because my mind got wandering on the idea that sometimes burglars got into such huts, especially escaped prisoners looking for weapons, a revolver, or civilian clothes if they still had on their striped clothes. That fantasy got me completely, and not seeing that it was just the thing I was looking for, I was absolutely panic-stricken. I took the ax for chopping the wood and put it beside my bed and lay awake trying to decide whether I would have the courage to bang such a man over the head if he came in, and I couldn’t sleep. Then I had to go to the toilet, which was outside in the snow in the wood, and in the night I put on my skiing trousers and went through the snow and suddenly something plopped behind me, and I ran and fell on my face and got back panting. Then I realized it was just the snow which had fallen off the tree, but with my heart pumping and the ax beside my bed I still couldn’t sleep.

Next morning I thought that now I’d had it and must go home, but then I had a

second thought and said, “But that was what I was looking for!” Those were the devils I wanted to meet, so now I was going to make an active imagination with a burglar. I sat down and at once I saw the burglar coming in and made contact with him, and my panic vanished. After that I stayed another fortnight and put the ax back and did not even lock the door. I felt absolutely safe. But whenever such an inner image came up, I wrote it down and dealt with it in active imagination, and then there was complete peace. I could have stayed weeks more without the slightest trouble, but at first when I met it without the means of coping with it by active imagination, I was on the way to being really nicely possessed. I was even stupid enough, though I knew something of Jungian psychology, not to see that this burglar was the animus invading my territory. I was just absolutely terrified of a real criminal who would come in the night.

That experience taught me that loneliness piles up whatever you have in your unconscious, and if you don’t know how to cope with it, it comes first in a projected form. In my case it was projected into the idea of a criminal, and if I had belonged to a layer of civilization which still believed in demons, then I would have thought the Kurupira was coming or that the “It” from the mountains had thrown snow at me. I would have given that name to it, but because I am more modern I gave it the name of an escaped criminal. Yet the thing itself is absolutely the same. Most people are not capable of standing such situations for a long time; they need the companionship of other people to protect themselves against “It.”

Inner Vision

There is no sense in talking about “being true to yourself,” until you are sure of which voice you are being true to.

People who dream of wearing their parent’s glasses are not seeing with their own eyes. The old frame has to be broken. Without our own unique inner vision we become stuck in obsolete patterns.

If we cannot imagine it… we cannot manifest it. If a basketball player cannot imagine making the basket… he will not be able to make the basket. Imagination is the realm between the five senses and the intellect… for which we have no language. It is in that space, however, that true creativity takes place. All that we experience in world of the intellect and all that we experience through the world of the senses has its origins in that liminal space of imagination, play, and creativity.

Paradox of The Unfolding Soul

“Its all about allowing space to be moved by that which is unknown.”

Taking time to nurture the soul through creativity allows for an experience of “unfolding”; becoming the freedom, shaking loose the notion of inadequacy; releasing energy through expression of color, movement of limbs, intuitive poetry or writing with no apology or inhibition that fence in what is bursting to be set free.

Creativity holds the true self’s core essence of being. It’s the inner child’s numinous experiences within one’s mind, through the body, fired by the spirit to nurture the soul —before they were hushed and prohibited. It’s the portal to an inner vacation, that rather than disassociate when stressed or triggered, where one can access the truth of who they are—and further journey to who they are becoming. This is the path of the seeker of God/Wisdom. The unquenchable thirst for the meaning of who I AM is the human’s transformation through suffering into the divine Knowing.

Marion Woodman said “If you cannot spend one hour for your soul, then you are really in sorry shape.” One needs not be a delegated “artist” or prolific painter, or accredited dancer to express their soul.

Creativity is an open, trustworthy space awaiting the individual who is willing to walk into the unknown and expand their consciousness; one who sees a flicker of light and seeks its origin, only to find a mirror; a reflection of that light amplifying as the True Self emerges. Within this space their is no judgment, no rules, no good or bad, no limit and no concern for the approval or validation from others. It is a sacred space where God/Eternal Self/Soul can breathe freely, reenergizing the lifeblood of the Cord which revitalizes the body and mind. One understands that they are ever-connected to that which is indestructible, unseverable and they become unafraid of death.

God Happens

This thing we have called God, is another name for life itself. It is our breath, our life-force, and the essence of our deepest Self.

It is something that thing that flows between us, that moves within us, that circulates all around us.

God happens.

Whenever there is love, there is God. Wherever there is compassion, a struggle for justice, grace, forgiveness, empathy, connection, vulnerability, God is there. That thing that is emerging, what is unfolding, what is surfacing, materializing, manifesting, springing up in us, and even gushing out of us, is God.  God is relationship. God is a constant flow. You don’t need to understand it to participate in it. It just takes a little openness and a little vulnerability.

Jung called God, “Our Whole Making Instinct,” which drives every Soul to become what it is and all that it is.

On The Nature of Reality

       We are all connected to a “divine Spark” within us that moves us beyond all of our religions and beyond all of our beliefs. Every healthy religion is an authentic path that becomes an avenue to a shared Universal, and that Universal is greater than any particular path. Where we get in trouble is whenever a particular path thinks it owns the avenue to the Universal.

This Universal is beyond all words and all images—even though it contains all words and all images. The nature of Oneness is “All-ness.” There’s nothing outside of that One.

    The  “I Am” is a way of describing this divine Spark. Most English translations of the Hebrew Bible render the ineffable Hebrew name for God (YHVH), as “Adonai” or “Lord.” This is a terribly misleading translation. YHVH is not a noun: a person, place, or thing, but an action word—a verb: “to be.” As a verb, YHVH supports no hierarchy or power structure.

     When Moses asks for the meaning of YHVH in Exodus 3:13–14, the Hebrew Bible defines YHVH as Ehyeh asher Ehyeh, not the static “I Am What I Am” of so many English translations, but the dynamic “I Am Becoming What I Am Becoming.”

     YHVH is not a being or even a supreme being, but be-ing itself.  As Paul stated, “God is that in whom we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17: 28). “YHVH” is a way of speaking of the absolute transcendent One—The One who is not only everything, but infinitely more—beyond everything. It is the very essence of the nature of reality.  Religion is an avenue beyond itself—it is a path to something greater than that which can be expressed into words, images, concepts, or any scripture. This Oneness, on one hand, is transcendent and includes everything, and also that which awakens within every “being.”

      “Elohim” is a plural noun that is always conjugated as a singular because it is the One manifesting as the many. Even though our senses tell us we are separate, even though our personalities tell us we are separate—we are actually not separate at all. We impact one another and we communicate with one another far beneath and beyond the words that we share. This does not mean we give up our uniqueness, rather this means “how can I best make use of my consciousness of this divine be-ing that I have within me in our shared awakening.”

       The golden rule is not a rule—It is a reality. When it becomes a rule, it becomes an ego thing, i.e. “I’m supposed to be nice to people.” Instead, it is a spiritual awakening to the fact that the One who is looking at me through your eyes, and the One who is looking at you through my eyes— is the same One.

      You cannot love your neighbor as yourself without “Seeing” that your neighbor IS yourself. Although our personalities and personas are distinct and unique—we are carrying within us the same Great Life. How can we act in the world in a way that honors, celebrates, and expresses that One? The spark that animates your being and the spark that animates my being is the same Spark.  It is a shared Spark. The light of your candle is the same as the light of my candle—there’s no better light. A flame is a flame.

Rabbi Ted Falcon said, “ Enlightenment is very simple: “I know I am exactly where I need to be.” “I am doing exactly what I need to be doing.” “I am with the exact person I am supposed to be with in this moment.” “I am exactly who I am supposed to be right now.” Enlightenment is where there is no denial or suppression of whatever is going on inside. There is Self-acceptance. Acceptance confounds the ego..The ego doesn’t know what to do when it’s totally accepted. When the ego is accepted, the Eternal Self (YHVH) is revealed.

Transcribed and adapted from interview with Rabbi Ted Falcon.

Thank you C.G. Jung, Marion Woodman, Marie Louise Von Franz, Rabbi Ted Falcon, Rabbi Rami Shapiro, Meister Eckhart, Richard Rohr, Cynthia Bourgeault for teaching me how to “SEE” God, my neighbor and my “Self” as my “Self.” —Jenni McCullum and Paityn Masters of

Conscious Femininity

Excerpt: Marion Woodman

  Creativity is divine! To me it is the virgin soul opening to spirit and creating the divine child. You cannot live without it. That’s the meaning of life, that creative fire.

     The child picks up that unspoken yearning, that unlived life, and the compulsive repetitiveness that expresses and escalates denial. The child in its own way tunes into what is absent in the parent and goes after it.

I think to get to the core of the problem, you’ve got to look at what we have done to the body, what we have done to matter in our culture.

     The Latin word mater means “mother.” Mother is she who cherishes, nurtures, receives, loves, provides security. When the mother cannot accept her child in its peeing, puking, animal totality, the child too rejects its body. It then has no secure home on this earth, and in the absence of that primal security it substitutes other mothers: Mother Church, Mother Alma Mater, Mother Social Insurance, even Mother Food, which it also cannot accept. A desperate love/hate relationship develops. The terror of losing Mother equals the terror of being buried alive in her. Without the security of the body home, the individuals must rely as best they can on these substitutes for the maternal security they do not have. More than that, if the body is rejected, its destruction becomes one’s modus operandi. The fear of cancer does not make an addictive personality stop smoking.

      In the absence of the nourishing mother, whether personal or archetypal, people try to concretize her in things, as if to make present what they know is absent. Ironically, what they capture is not a presence that they always experience as absent but the absence itself. Think of how people try to photograph everything, tape-record it, try to capture and hold an event in a static state. That’s what I mean by “concretize.” Like the evil witch who turns everything to stone.

     William Blake says the body is “that portion of Soul discerned by the five Senses.”

     My soul is fed. I see, I smell, I taste, I hear, I touch. Through the orifices of my body, I give and I receive. I am not trying to capture what is absent. It’s that interchange between the embodied soul and the outside world that is the dynamic process. That’s how growth takes place. That is life.

      Most people do not feed their souls, because they do not know how. Most of us in this culture are brought up by parents who like the rest of society are running as fast as they can, trying to keep up financially, socially and every other way. There’s a drivenness that the child is subjected to even in utero. In infancy the child is expected to perform. Often the parent isn’t able to receive the soul of the child, whatever the little soul is, because the parent doesn’t take time to receive or doesn’t like what the child is. Many parents are too interested in seeing that the child will have dancing or skating lessons, a good education, and be at the top of the class. They are so anxious about all they are trying to “give” to the child that they do not receive from the child.

     The child, for example, comes running in with a stone, eyes full of wonder, and says, “Look at this beautiful thing I found,” and the mother says, “Put it back outside in the dirt where it belongs.” That little soul soon stops bringing in stones and focuses on what it can do to please Mommy. The process of growth turns into an exercise in trying to figure out how to please others, rather than expanding through experience. There’s no growth without authentic feeling. Children who are not loved in their very beingness do not know how to love themselves. As adults, they have to learn to nourish, to mother their own lost child.

     In the story of Persephone and Hades there is a child. Hades abducts Persephone and takes her into the Underworld, where in some versions of the myth she has a child. In many of the myths, Leda and the swan, Danae and the shower of gold, for example, the human woman is impregnated by the god. In other words, matter is penetrated by spirit and the child of the union of matter and spirit is the divine child.

     What is going on then in a person who is forced to surrender, to say, “Yes, I am an alcoholic, I am an addict, I am powerless over my addiction. I have to turn myself over to a higher power”? That person is surrendering matter to spirit. There’s the union that can produce the divine child. The addiction has made receptivity possible. Many of us cannot understand how powerful femininity is until we are brought to our knees through addiction or illness.

     I think it’s important to recognize that on some level, in some peculiar way, we’re all in the same mess, whether we’re alcoholic, children of alcoholics, anorexic, workaholic, or drug or money addicted. Addicts are trying to run away from God as fast as they can. Paradoxically, they are running right into her arms. Consciousness makes them realize how the soul is trying to lead them into the presence of the divine if only they can understand the symbolism inherent in the addictive substance or behavior.

     Take food as the addictive object. The biggest problem in dealing with an anorexic is that once she starts to eat, stops fasting and breaks the euphoria caused by the fasting, she feels life is boring. Eventually, she has to recognize that rejecting food is rejecting the reality of being human, and her addictive behavior is the acting out of her tyrant child determined to control or escape the tyrannical parent, whether that parent is inside or outside. So the anorexic, and this is true for all addicts, has to come to a new way of life.

     If you live day by day, in touch with the world around you, even a minute a day, as Blake says, then that’s the moment in each day that Satan cannot find, it’s what you need to keep the soul alive. Because you are in touch with the eternal, you hone into Home. Then you can see the bronze blue morning; you can hear your child’s silence. Then life is never boring. Too many people never take that moment in the day, so they run around trying to find it, outside. That’s the problem: they try to do it outside themselves and that hurls them into the addiction.

     All the running is away from the tragic fear that we are not loved. Unless we perform well, we are not lovable. That terror leads to self- destructive behavior. It can also lead to global self-destruction.          

      Addictions may be the Goddess’s way of opening our hearts to what love is love of ourselves, love of others, love of the dear planet on which we live. Lots of people are trying to find spirit through sexuality. Through orgasm they think they can be released from matter; for one brief moment they hope to experience this extraordinary union of spirit and matter. But if they can’t bring relationship into sexuality it’s just a fly- by-night thing. Eventually it just becomes mechanical, and then they become frantic. ”I’ve got to have it. It’s got to work. It’s not going to work. It’s my fix.”

      Sexuality without love is matter without spirit. People who are unable to love may be addicted to sexuality and be driven over and over again to try to find love. What they are projecting onto sexuality is the divine union they so desperately lack within themselves.

     Jung said the opposite of love is not hate but power, and where there is love there is no will to power. I think this is a core issue in working with addictions. Sooner or later, the feminine face of God, Love, looks us straight in the eye, and though her love may manifest as rage at our self-destruction, she’s there. We can accept or reject live or die.

     I don’t know about muffins in the States, but muffins in Canada are numinous. A patient came in yesterday, a woman with an eating problem and she was crying. “I don’t know what to do,” she said. “You tell me I have to recognize my feelings. Most of the time I don’t do anything I want to do because I don’t feel it would be right. I was driving here, and I had a desire to bring you a muffin. Then I thought you wouldn’t want the muffin. But I know you would love a muffin, but no I won’t buy it. You don’t take your analyst a muffin. But then I got into such a state, I was just sweating, because I wanted to get the muffin so much. I stopped the car, went back, got the muffin, and I have the muffin in the bag, but I don’t know whether to give it to you or not. I feel such a stupid child, but I don’t know what to do.”

     “Well,” I said, “I want to receive the muffin.”

     I broke the muffin in two and gave her half. Because of the love that was in the muffin, and because she had been received, it was a communion. It’s a simple, simple story, but I tell you, people at that level of feeling are so terrified of being rejected that a muffin can bring out the rejection of a lifetime. In outer reality this woman is most competent. She’s very professional, highly respected. Everybody thinks she is very mature, and she is except for this rejected child. Here’s the weak again. The little child says, “I want to take Marion a muffin.” If that child has been rejected and rejected and rejected, it goes almost into a state of nonexistence. It experiences loss of soul. The person becomes disembodied. That’s the point of vulnerability to an addiction. It is also the point where the god or goddess can enter.

     At the heart of it is the religious issue. Our soul is our eternal relationship with God. The soul’s language is the language of dreams. As I see it, every dream is a communication with God. We have an inner dialogue going on all the time. At night we experience it. But I think if we stop to daydream during the day we drop back into the dream.     

      Periodically, we come to consciousness, then we drop back The dream gives us symbols, images, but because we’re so concretized we don’t understand the symbols. We say dreams are crazy, silly. We have cut ourselves off from the world of the symbol, and so we have forgotten the language of dreams.

     Thus we make the mistake of assuming that if we’re uneasy, insecure, it is food that we want. Thirsty? We have to drink. Feeling a little empty in the gut? We need sex or whatever other concrete thing we can get hold of. But it is the soul that is calling out in dreams and the soul communicates through symbols. If we meditate on these images, they reach us on all levels: imaginative, emotional, intellectual. Our whole being, including our body, resonates. We feel ourselves whole. The images of that eternal world are the images of the bread-and- butter world food, drink, sexuality. That’s where the two worlds meet. That’s why we have to be so careful interpreting dreams. A sexual dream, for example, may be the soul’s way of expressing a need for the union of spirit and soul some creative act such as dance, painting, writing.    

      Alcohol as a symbol may be a need for spirit. Gallons of ice cream cannot bring sweetness to the soul, nor will gallons of gin float you into the presence of God.

      Our own inner child has to be disciplined in order to release its tremendous spiritual power.If we identify with its childish side we say, “I was always a victim. I will always be a victim and it’s all my parents’ fault.” Then we can go around with a hangdog look the rest of our lives. If on the other hand we identify with the childlike part we say, “My parents were the victims of a culture, as were their parents and their parents. I will not be a victim. I will take responsibility for my own life. I will live creatively. I will live in the now.”

     To be childlike is to be spontaneous, able to live in the moment, concentrated, imaginative, creative. Most of us have forgotten how to play, forgotten the joy of creativity. Without joy, we find ourselves running away from pain. Without creativity, we run away from emptiness. The faster we run, the more severe our addictions. We cannot face our own nothingness. Nothingness is the ultimate anguish of childish people who live their lives knowing who they are not rather than who they are.

      In the New Testament when the divine child was born, Herod the King ordered the killing of all the babies in the kingdom. That’s what happens when our own inner child is born. Herod represents the conventional collective attitudes that will be destroyed if new life thrives. As soon as our inner child comes alive and says, “This is who I am. These are my values,” all the terrified Herods in our environment rise up and say, “You are a fool.”

     If the baby is not protected, it will be killed. It takes immense courage to find out the values of our own divine child and even greater strength to live those values. Addictions drown it, starve it, drug it, try to kill it. Ironically, they keep us in touch with it as we run round and round the hole where it is hidden.

      Lucifer and Christ are very close together in many addicts who yearn for a “high.” A fast high. They want to be gods in control of a perfect world in which they are perfect. They long to be like Lucifer, the morning star, the brightest star, the first son of God. And like Lucifer, their pride brings them into collision with God. They cannot accept their own human imperfection. They cannot live in a universe they cannot control. When they stand in their own desert, their inner Lucifer faces their inner Christ and says, “I will give you all the power and material goods you want if you will bow down to me.”

      Life moves in cycles, consciousness expands. Each time we are faced with some new truth about ourselves part of us dies and a new part is conceived. In the fullness of time we have to move through a birth canal and birth canals can be dangerous. In any experience people tend to repeat their original birth trauma each time they attempt to leave the warm womb they have cuddled into. If they were Cesarean births they may hesitate to confront; if they were breech births, they might go at things backward; if their mother was drugged, they will tend to find some anesthetic (drugs, alcohol, food) to throw them into unconsciousness. These points of transition where we are called to stretch into new maturity are the points where the addiction is most liable to resurface.

     Our culture is not geared to process. It values security and the status quo, and because we are living under the shadow of nuclear war and annihilation we try to hang onto whatever permanence we can. The pain of leaving the old life behind and facing the new without any real understanding of who we are becomes unendurable. Some cultures have rites of passage that give meaning and companionship to people in transition. Most of us experience total aloneness. I see it in dreams where the dreamer comes to a border crossing in pitch dark, confronted by fascist customs officials or has to cross a rickety bridge that spans a river of whirlpools. Addicts tend to be loners; their dark intuitions take them out of their bodies. In an ungrounded state, sheer terror can drive them back to the addiction.

      Intuition can be a blessing and a curse. People who are intuitive are never quite in their bodies. They are confounded by possibilities and driven this way and that exploring what might be. They are rarely in the present, never filling their bodies. Their bodies then become vulnerable to all the pain in their environment. Through osmosis they pick up other people’s unconscious garbage. When the load becomes too heavy, they escape through an addiction. (Think of this dynamic between parents and children.) Again, it is the problem of absence. The soul is hiding somewhere in the gut; it isn’t animating the whole body. You feel that when addicts hug you. Their children sense it, and while they can’t articulate it, they are haunted by emptiness. They feel they are living in an illusion where nothing is quite what it seems; the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. Dad is charming; Dad is vicious. Mom dresses like a model; Mom is a slob.

      Transitions are hell. Your beloved dies or goes away and you are left alone. That is hell, it is also an opportunity to grow. Alone, we dialogue with our own bodies, our souls. Their wisdom is exactly what we need for our own wholeness. It makes quite clear what is real, what is illusion. It strips off layers of false pride. It make us human. What a relief to be a human being instead of the god or goddess Mom and Dad projected onto us!

     Each hell burns off more illusions. We go into the fire, die and are reborn. To put it in Christian terms, we carry our own cross, we are crucified on our own cross, and we die and are resurrected on a new level of awareness. We find our balance on that plateau for awhile and then another period of growth is demanded and a new cycle begins.

     Addiction, like any illness, can bring us into our bodies. Healing comes through embodiment of the soul, the soul living in the here and now. The body is. The soul in matter is what I think the feminine side of God is all about. The agony of an addiction can break the heart open to the love that is present in all creation. It is that breaking point that is so important that’s the edge where addicts tend to live annihilation or apocalypse. Our technological age pushes us so fast that we annihilate what is happening to us. We pass by the moments of soul. We move from incident to incident without being there. An anorexic in a euphoric trance can move to the edge of death without any awareness of what is literally happening. If I say, ”Look, you’re going to die,” she looks at me in bland astonishment. Unless an incident is made conscious, it does not happen in the soul. It has to be thought about, written about, painted, danced, made into music. In other words, it must move from literal to metaphoric if it is to be assimilated into the soul’s flowering.

     That’s what analysis is about. As analyst, I become the mirror to reflect back to the patient what is being said, what the body is saying, what remains silent. Without a mirror, we can’t see ourselves. But one doesn’t need an analyst for reflection. Keeping a journal can provide an opportunity for reflection, for example. Parents who are locked in their own narcissistic need cannot provide a mirror for their child, and therefore the child cannot develop an individual identity. Take the small incident of that muffin. Had we not taken time to reflect on the need and the love and the faith epitomized in buying that muffin, we would have committed soul murder. Such a tiny interchange seems like nothing until you remember the moments in your own childhood when you hoped and you loved and you gave your all and nobody received you. That’s death.

     It happens again and again with my analysands. Their pain is so deep that it takes a very long time for the real feeling to surface. People are ashamed of what they call their childishness, but those blocked feelings cannot mature if they have no one with whom to interact. So long as we are determined to move at our swift, logical pace, the child remains hidden. The natural rhythms of the body are slow. The little soul-bird that was put away in a dark box in childhood needs time and silence to learn to trust again.


The “ I am” is the spark of your “being.

Excerpt From: (Rabbi Rami Shapiro, Embracing the Divine Feminine)

In the beginning was Logos, and Logos was with God, and Logos was God. This one was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Logos, and apart from Logos not one thing came into being that has come into being. In Logos was life, and the life was the light of humanity. (John 1: 1–4)

Natura naturans informs natura naturata; Nirguna Brahman informs Saguna Brahman, the Unnamable Tao informs the nameable Tao, and God informs Logos. In the Hebrew Bible, the same dynamic exists between YHVH and Chochmah, the ultimate reality beyond name and form manifesting as the reality of name and form.

Most English translations of the Hebrew Bible render YHVH as “Lord.” While this translation is terribly misleading, it has its origins in ancient Rabbinic tradition. The early Rabbis prohibited the pronunciation of YHVH and substituted the Hebrew Adonai instead. Adonai does mean “Lord,” which explains the use of “Lord” in our English Bibles, but substituting Adonai for YHVH actually inverts the true meaning of YHVH. Adonai is a masculine noun suggesting and enforcing the patriarchal hierarchy of power and privilege enjoyed by the Rabbis themselves. Rabbis were men, and exclusively so; therefore YHVH was male, and exclusively so. Rabbis were the pinnacle of power in Rabbinic society; therefore God was the pinnacle of power in creation. The Rabbis literally created a God in their own image who would, not surprisingly, support their own status and power. No wonder they read the Song of Songs as a celebration of themselves. But YHVH has nothing to do with any of this.

YHVH isn’t a noun, but a verb: a form of the Hebrew verb “to be.” As a verb, YHVH supports no hierarchy or power structure. Indeed, when Moses asks for the meaning of YHVH in Exodus 3: 13–14, the Hebrew Bible defines YHVH as Ehyeh asher Ehyeh, not the static “I Am What I Am” of so many English translations of the Hebrew Bible, but the dynamic “I Am Becoming What I Am Becoming” of the Hebrew itself.

YHVH is an activity, be-ing itself rather than a being or even a supreme being. To borrow from Saint Paul in the book of Acts, “God is that in whom we live and move and have our being” (17: 28). YHVH is natura naturans, Nirguna Brahman, the Tao without a name, God. From YHVH comes natura naturata, Saguna Brahman, the Tao with a name, Logos, and Wisdom. And because Wisdom comes from YHVH, Wisdom can lead us back to YHVH or, more accurately still, awaken us to our ever-present unity in, with, and as YHVH.

Who Is Lady Wisdom?

I am the deep grain of creation, the subtle current of life. God fashioned me before all things: I am the blueprint of creation. I was there from the beginning, from before there was a beginning. I am independent of time and space, earth and sky. I was there before depth was conceived, before springs bubbled with water, before the shaping of mountains and hills, before God fashioned the earth and its bounty, before the first dust settled on the land. When God prepared the heavens, I was there. When the circle of the earth was etched into the face of the deep, I was there. When the stars and planets soared into their orbit, when the deepest oceans found their level and the dry land established the shores, I was there.I stood beside God as firstborn and friend. My nature is joy, and I gave God constant delight. Now that the world is inhabited, I rejoice in it. I will be your true delight if you will heed my teachings. Follow me and be happy. Practice my discipline and grow wise (Proverbs 8: 22–32)

     It is with this passage that we are introduced to Lady Wisdom. While the gender of the speaker cannot be discerned in the English translation, the Hebrew is clear: the speaker is Chochmah, Lady Wisdom, and hence all the pronouns and verbs referring to Wisdom in the passage are feminine. The grammar of this and every passage that speaks of, to, about, or for Wisdom always uses the feminine form.

     Wisdom is the firstborn of God, and from her comes the ten thousand things of creation. As Proverbs tells us, her way is the way of truth and justice (8: 7–8), qualities hitherto associated with God. Her essence is itself pure delight, and she delights in humanity (8: 30–31). One who finds her finds life (8: 35). Compare this to Jesus when he says, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (Gospel according to John 14: 6, NIV).

Saint Paul makes the connection between Jesus and Wisdom quite plain: “Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Corinthians 1: 24, NIV). What becomes the male Christ in the Christian Scriptures was originally the female Chochmah in the Hebrew Bible. Wisdom is the way God manifests in and as creation. Uniting with Wisdom, as the Song of Songs invites us to do, is a way of uniting with life and the Source from which life arises.

As Hebrew Bible scholar Gerhard von Rad explains: It is correct to say that wisdom is the form in which Jahweh’s will and his accompanying of man (i.e., his salvation) approaches man. Wisdom is the essence of what man needs for a proper life, and of what God grants him. Still, the most important thing is that wisdom does not turn towards man in the shape of an “It,” teaching, guidance, salvation or the life, but of a person, a summoning “I.” So wisdom is truly the form in which Jahweh makes himself present and in which he wishes to be sought by man. “Whoso finds me, finds life” (Prov. 8: 35). Only Jahweh can speak in this way.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of this observation by von Rad that we are not talking about an abstract principle—wisdom with a lowercase “w”—but about a person—Wisdom with an uppercase “W.” The personification of Lady Wisdom allows us to become intimate with her in ways we could not if she were merely a set of principles or ethical guidelines for right living. We personify Wisdom because on a deep and subconscious level we know her to be the “Other” with whom we long to unite. She is not an abstraction but our Beloved. She is not to be thought about but physically embraced in a manner that reveals YHVH to us.

     Just as the Logos is both with God and God in John’s Prologue, over time Chochmah shifts from being a separate entity who exists with God to being an expression of God: God as we experience God here on earth. The presence of God is called Shekhinah, and she, no less than Chochmah, is feminine. It may be their shared gender that led the two to be understood as one.

The essence of the Kabbalistic idea of God … lies in its resolutely dynamic conception of the Godhead: God’s creative power and vitality develop in an unending movement of His nature, which flows not only outward into Creation but also back into itself.

God is YHVH, the be-ing of all being. God is intrinsically creative, indeed is creativity itself. Yet, God is more than observable reality. God is also the source of that reality. The metaphor I find most helpful is that of the relationship between an ocean, the waving of the ocean, and the waves that arise from that waving. Speaking metaphorically and not scientifically, God as Source is the ocean, God as Wisdom is the waving of the ocean, and God as Shekhinah is the wave that arises from that waving. The Kabbalists resorted to the expedient of differentiating between two strata of the Godhead: one, its hidden being-in-itself, its immanence in the depths of its own being; and another, that of its creative and active nature, thrusting outward toward expression…. The former stratum is designated in the language of the Kabbalists as Ein-Sof, the undifferentiated unity, the self-contained Root of Roots in which all contradictions merge and dissolve. The latter substratum is the structure of the ten Sefiroth, which are the sacred names—i.e., the various aspects of God—or the ten words of Creation (logoi) by which everything was created.


Let’s begin with the creation of woman in Genesis 2. God sees that “it is not good that adam [“ earthling,” from adamah, “earth”] is alone; I will make for adam an eizer k’nego, a helper of equal worth” (Genesis 2: 18). This phrase “a helper of equal worth” is a bit awkward in English, but not so in Hebrew. Eizer means “helper.” K’negdo means something like the loyal opposition [JaPW1]. The role of the woman is to stand in loving opposition to the man and in this way overcome the aloneness God seeks to avoid. It is this aloneness, this sense of separation, that will prove pivotal in the exile of the man (but not the woman) from the Garden. Prior to the creation of woman, God fashions all the animals of the earth and brings each to adam to see if any of them can overcome adam’s aloneness. Sexual union was the means by which aloneness was to be overcome, but according to the Rabbis, no animal completed the human. Only after the failure of the animals to overcome adam’s aloneness does God put adam to sleep, and from adam’s side (the Hebrew is tzeila, “side,” not “rib”) God draws out woman (ishah) (Genesis 2: 21–22). When adam awakes (from having slept with this new creation?) things prove different: “This time it is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This shall be called ishah [woman] for from ish [man] was she taken” (Genesis 2: 23). Despite the claim that ishah came from ish, that woman came from man, the Hebrew text actually reveals that both ish and ishah came from adam, the singular human. The words ish and ishah are used here for the first time; neither comes before the other. Man and woman both come from adam and are aspects of adam, and only when they unite with one another can they achieve the unity from which they originally derived.

Unity Lost

In Genesis 1: 27 we learn that adam, though grammatically masculine and singular, is both masculine and feminine. While the simple reading of this text, reinforced in Genesis 5: 2, is that God created two sexes from the very beginning, this reading becomes problematic in light of Genesis 2: 7, when God forms a single earthling (adam) from the dust of the earth. To harmonize the two stories, the ancient Rabbis imagined adam as androgynous or as conjoined twins: “You have formed me front and back” (Psalm 139: 5). Rabbi Jeremiah ben Eleazar said, “When the Holy One, blessed be He, created the first adam, He created it with both male and female sex organs, as it is written, Male and female He created them, and He called their name adam (Genesis 5: 2).” Rabbi Samuel ben Nahmani then said, “When the Holy One, blessed be He, created the first adam, He created him with two faces, then slit him and made him two backs—a back for each side.” The unity of adam was lost with the splitting of adam (earthling) into ish (man) and ishah (woman). The result of that lost unity is portrayed in the Garden of Eden story. The Relationship of Ish and Ishah To understand the relationship between ish and ishah, we must unpack the meaning of the two words. As taught to me decades ago, the word ish (aleph-yud-shin), “man,” is derived from eish (aleph-shin), “fire.” What differentiates “man” from “fire,” ish from eish, is the letter yud, which is the first letter of the divine name YHVH (Yud-Hei-Vav-Hei) and which stands for yada, “unitive knowing.” As long as a man is informed by the unity of God, woman, man, and nature, he is an ish, a holy fire if you like, bringing light and warmth wherever he goes. Awakening the yud is part of a man’s spiritual practice, and since yada is also a euphemism for sexual intercourse, one way of achieving unity consciousness is through sexual union. As we shall see, the Song of Song speaks directly to this practice. In Hebrew, ishah (woman) is also composed of three letters: aleph-shin-hei. Ishah lacks the letter yud and instead ends with the letter hei. Does the absence of the yud in ishah mean that woman lacks this intimate knowing? In a way it does: woman doesn’t have wisdom; woman is wisdom. The vowel sound ee, made by the presence of the letter yud between the aleph and the shin in ish (man) is not absent in ishah but internalized and integrated to the point of not needing to be marked by a separate letter at all. This point will have great importance as our story progresses. Because ishah has internalized the yud of YHVH and yada (knowing), ishah contains the letter hei, the second and fourth letters in the divine name YHVH, and the second letter of the divine name Yah, yud-hei (as in hallelu-Yah, “praise Yah, praise God”). When ish (with the yud) is united with ishah (with the hei), the fully realized divine, Yah, manifests. The union of the woman and her lover in the Song of Songs is the union of hei and yud. The union of Wisdom (the feminine principle) and the seeker of Wisdom (the masculine principle) in our spiritual practice is the same. In both cases we have the possibility of realizing God through ecstasy. Furthermore, when the letter hei appears at the end of a word as it does in ishah, it often denotes direction. While ish (man) is a holy fire, he lacks direction. Ishah, on the other hand, includes both the holy fire of yud and the directional activity of hei. So ishah implies not only that the woman has internalized unitive knowing and the wisdom that comes with it, but also that she uses that knowing to offer direction to ish, who lacks it. It is in doing so that she becomes eizer k’negdo, the helper of equal worth. Both man and woman have the potential for unitive knowing, but only the woman knows how to use it, which may explain why it is that the man leaves “his father and his mother and clings to his woman in the way of becoming one flesh” (Genesis 2: 24) and why it is that the woman in both the Garden of Eden and the Song of Songs directs the man to Wisdom. To fully understand what the Bible is saying, we have to make a shift from “male” and “female” to “masculine” and “feminine”—from physical sexes to psycho-spiritual archetypes. Adam, the original human of Genesis 1: 27, is both masculine and feminine[JaPW2] . The parable of the Garden of Eden speaks to the separation these two forces. The parable of the Song of Songs speaks to their reunification. Both texts use the image of a woman and a man to tell their story, and both should be read more deeply if their spiritual meaning is to be revealed. With this in mind, let’s go more deeply into the Genesis story.

The Naked Truth

Chapter 2 of Genesis closes with the observation that both the man and the woman were naked (arumim), and neither was ashamed (2: 25). Chapter 3 opens with a description of the serpent as the most arum of any creature God had made (3: 1). While it is common for English translations to render the Hebrew arum as “naked” when referring to the humans (arumim is the plural of arum) and as “cunning” or “devious” when referring to the snake in the very next verse, doing so is arbitrary and blinds us to the true meaning of the story.

The humans and the serpent, alone among all creatures, are naked. What can this mean? How is a serpent naked in a way that corresponds to how humans are naked[JaPW3] ? I suggest we read “naked” in the sense of “innocent.” The serpent was innocent and not devious.

In fact, playing with gematria, Hebrew numerology, a common tool of Rabbinic interpretation of the Hebrew Bible, we discover that the Hebrew word for “serpent” (nachash in Hebrew: nun [50] + chet [8] + shin [300] = 358) has the same numerological value as that for “messiah” (mashiach: mem [40] + shin [300] + yud [10] + chet [8] = 358). The rules of gematria allow the reader to substitute words sharing the same numerical value: the snake is the messiah disguised as a serpent!

But the messiah wouldn’t seek to trick the humans into sinning, so some other goal must lie behind the serpent’s efforts to get the woman to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The goal, I suggest, is to open the eyes of the man and the woman and to move them beyond their childlike state into adulthood[JaPW4] . To achieve this goal, the messiah takes on the shape of a serpent, the most innocent and thus trustworthy creature in the Garden, and seeks out the woman to carry out his plan. Again we have to wonder why, in what is usually considered a patriarchal myth, does the serpent seek out ishah rather than ish, the woman rather than the man?

Traditionally the answer has been that the woman’s will is weaker than that of the man, and itis this reading that has become foundational to so much misogyny over the past thousands of years. But this isn’t the only reading of the text. The messiah/ serpent sought out the woman rather than the man because the woman—ishah—is the one with the potential to realize the internalized yud, the unitive knowing that is at the heart of Wisdom, and then take action (the externalized hei) to move humanity in the direction of Wisdom. The serpent seeks out not the person most vulnerable to sin, but rather the person most capable of realizing Wisdom—the woman.

To Eat or Not to Eat, That Is the Question

The serpent urges the woman to eat from the Tree of Knowledge and to become like God, but she refuses (Genesis 3: 5). She will not be cajoled into doing what she believes is forbidden. Then the Hebrew Bible tells us, “The woman perceived that the tree was good for eating and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable as a means to Wisdom, and she took of its fruit and ate” (Genesis 3: 6).

We tend to read this dawning realization as a single happening: the woman sees that the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge appears delicious, beautiful, and eye-opening. But this is not the only way to read the verse. Think of these as three clauses representing three distinct encounters with the Tree of Knowledge.

First, the woman is attracted by the lusciousness of the fruit and the desire to consume it, but that isn’t enough to make her do so. She masters her hunger and moves on without eating the fruit. Sometime later she passes by the Tree again and this time perceives that the fruit is beautiful, and she desires to possess it. But beauty also fails to move her, so she again masters her passion and moves on without plucking the fruit. Only on a third encounter with the Tree does she sees that the Tree will make her wise, and only then does she consciously and deliberately eat of the Tree of Knowledge.

It isn’t that she has rationalized away the commandment to not eat of the Tree, but that she is willing to risk her very existence for the sake of Wisdom. In other words, her innate capacity for internalizing Wisdom is realized in her act of eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge.

Now think in terms of the woman in the Song of Songs. Just as the woman in the Garden broke the sole rule for living there, the woman in the Song breaks the customs of her day and makes love to her lover outside the boundaries of marriage. Just as the woman in the Garden eats the fruit of the Tree, the woman in the Song eats the fruit of her lover (Song of Songs 2: 3). And just as the woman of the Garden offers the fruit of Wisdom to her man, so the woman of the Song offers the fruit of her body to her man.

The difference between these women isn’t their desire to feed their men, but the ability of their respective partners to properly accept what is offered. While the woman in Genesis eats only after mastering her passions, her man acts very differently: “And she gave also to her man who was with her and he ate” (Genesis 3: 6). The man eats without thinking. He blindly consumes; he acts from eish—fire, passion, and compulsivity—rather than from the yud of ish, the yud of yada, unitive knowing. The mistake the woman makes is to assume that the man, who, after all, was right there with her, had reached the same level of consciousness that she had. She offers him Wisdom before he has mastered his baser instincts to consume and possess.

Unlike in the Song of Songs where Wisdom and her lover are equally eizer k’negdo each to the other, working with each other to bring each other to the fully embodied ecstasy of awakening, the ish in Genesis is incapable of fully realizing the gift offered him by the ishah. This is why there is no fear, punishment, or exile in the Song of Songs as there is in the Genesis story.

At the moment the woman and her man eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, their eyes are opened and they realize they are naked (Genesis 3: 7). Notice that their nakedness evokes nothing but a desire to cover themselves. No shame is mentioned. But all that changes when God confronts the man in the Garden. Hearing God approach, the two of them hide. God then calls to the man alone. Why? Because only the man poses a problem for God. The woman has fulfilled her nature as the embodiment of Wisdom; she has internalized the yud of unitive knowing and manifested the hei of holy action: she partook of the fruit of awakening to Wisdom, and she offered it (albeit prematurely) to her man. She is ready to lead. The man, on the other hand, is in a very different state. Put bluntly by the fifth-century church father Saint Augustine,

where the woman is guided by Wisdom, the man is now ruled by his penis: These members [the penis] being moved and restrained not at our will, but by a certain independent autocracy, so to speak, are called “shameful.” Their condition was different before sin … because not yet did lust move those members without the will’s consent…. But when [Adam] was stripped of grace … there began to be in the movement of their bodily members a shameless novelty which made nakedness indecent.

     Saint Augustine imagined that before eating from the Tree of Knowledge, the man could have impregnated the woman “without the seductive stimulus of passion, with calmness of mind, and with no corruption of the innocence of the body…. It would have been possible to inject the semen into the womb through the female genitalia as innocently as the menstrual flow is now ejected.”

 And while tradition has blamed all of this on the woman, it is important to note that the Hebrew Bible does not.

     God calls to the man, who blames his hiding on the fact of his nakedness (Genesis 3:10). The man doesn’t confess to eating the fruit, only to feeling fear over being naked. When challenged, the man blames the woman for his situation, and the woman blames the serpent. God punishes all three: the serpent must crawl on its belly, the woman must endure the pain of childbirth, and the man must toil mightily to bring forth the bounty of the earth (Genesis 3:14–19).

Immediately after this, Genesis 3:20 says, “The man called his woman Chavah [Eve], because she had become the mother of all the living” (Chavah means “living “one” in Hebrew). This is an odd verse, and there is no reason for it. It doesn’t move the story forward or even make sense. What it does is link Chavah to Chochmah, Eve to Wisdom, for the way Chavah, the helpmate, is the mother of all the living isn’t that she births them into life but that she births them into Wisdom—the wisdom her man could not internalize.

The story resumes, and God worries aloud, “Now that the man has become k’achad mimennu, knowing good and evil, he might reach out and take also of the Tree of Life, and eat and live forever!” (Genesis 3:22). In standard English translations of the Bible, the Hebrew phrase k’achad mimennu is rendered “like one of us”—in other words, “like a god.” But if this were the case, the Hebrew would be k’echad mimennu. Achad means “unique,” and a better reading of the Hebrew would be this: “The man—and not the woman—has become unique, no longer one with us, but separate from us, alienated from us, and hence fearful of us, and a danger to himself. If the man were now to eat of the Tree “of Life and attain immortality, he would be locked into this state of psycho-spiritual exile forever.”

The fact that God is concerned only with the man and not with the woman suggests that God recognizes that she has internalized Wisdom and reached her potential as ishah, while the man is dangerously close to being permanently condemned to eish, a consuming fire. It is for this reason that God exiles the man, but again not the woman. The Hebrew and the English are equally clear: “So God banished him from the Garden of Eden” (Genesis 3:23). Him and not her. Eve is not exiled at all.

Following the man’s exile from the Garden, God places fierce cherubim with an ever-turning sword of fire “to guard” (lishmor) the way to the Tree of Life (Genesis 3:24). While it is customary to understand the cherubim as defenders of the Tree, empowered to keep the man from returning to it, the text itself is far less clear on this matter. The Hebrew lishmor simply means “to protect.” One could read the Hebrew Bible as saying that the role of the cherubim with the flaming sword is to protect the “way back to the Tree so that when the man is ready to return the way will be lighted and cleared for him. When will the man be ready to return? When he has achieved what the woman has achieved: the internalization of Wisdom.”

“Remember, according to Proverbs 8:22 Wisdom isn’t a late addition to creation, but the way creation is created. Wisdom is intrinsic to all reality. What Lady Wisdom of Proverbs, the mother of all the living of Genesis, and the Woman of Wholeness and Peace of the Song of Songs offer is the awakening of this innate Wisdom.”

     “Union with Wisdom is presented to us in the Song of Songs as sexual union because it is through sexual intimacy (yada) that one achieves unitive knowing (again, yada).

The full splendor of sexual experience does not reveal itself with a new mode of attention to the world in general. On the other hand, the sexual relationship is a setting in which the full opening of attention may rather easily be realized because it is so immediately rewarding. It is the most common and dramatic instance of union between oneself and the other. But to serve as a means of initiation to the “one body” of the universe, it requires what we have called a contemplative approach. This is not love “without desire” in the sense of love without delight, but love which is not contrived or willfully provoked as an escape from the habitual empty feeling of the isolated ego.”

Gossip-A rose among thorns?

I looked up the term “gossip” recently, and I was surprised at the definition.



  1. casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.”he became the subject of much local gossip”

verbverb: gossip; 3rd person present: gossips; past tense: gossiped; past participle: gossiped; gerund or present participle: gossiping

  1. engage in gossip.

ate Old English godsibb, ‘godfather, godmother, baptismal sponsor’, literally ‘a person related to one in God’, from god ‘God’ + sibb ‘a relative’ (see sib). In Middle English the sense was ‘a close friend, a person with whom one gossips’, hence ‘a person who gossips’, later (early 19th century) ‘idle talk’ (from the verb, which dates from the early 17th century

I’ve been researching this this and I could be wrong

Part 1

The fairy tale, “Briar Rose” also called “Sleeping Beauty” might give us some clues as to where the term “gossip” went sour. A king and queen were promised a child by a frog, and a little girl is born. A child in fairy tales represents a new energy, often times this new energy is despised by the by old order. Think of Herod and Pharaoh slaughtering children in order to destroy the impulse toward change and renewal.

The child is blessed by a number of mother figures and is cursed by one of them. One of the godmothers was not invited to the baptismal, the versions of the story differ in their explanation as to why she wasn’t invited (some say she was ignored, others say she was forgotten because she was a recluse or a “spinster,” some say she was a trouble maker and intentionally not invited, and some say that she just wanted to start trouble). Whatever the reason she appears as a personification of her hurt feelings, her vanity, and her resentment. Hidden beneath her rage is hurt, and she curses the child. The curse declared that on the child’s 16th Birthday, she would prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die. The last godmother was next to give her gift, and although she could not remove the curse, but softens it by saying that she would not die, but that a sleep would fall over the kingdom for 100 years, unless some hero’s could get through the thorns protecting the castle and wake her up with a kiss.

Part 2

Gossip and Sewing

The fairy tale revolves around a spindle on a spinning wheel… and seems to be a result of what took place at sewing circles. Historically, sewing circles were the “gossip” circles where women bonded over talk about their families, they sewed up wounds, “pinned down the patterns created by the old wise women, connection. The spider is associated with the feminine spinning her intricate web, her web serves both the purpose of death and renewal of life. What she creates is made from her own substance. We hear the cliches, “spinning a web,” or “spinning the truth,” “a thread of truth,” “zip or button your lip,” “To pin a crime on someone,” “stomach in knots,” “patch up relationship,” “sitting on pins and needles.” Women in sewing circles were said to get together and knit open wounds, and keep the fabric of their communities and families from falling apart.

In folklore, sticking a pin in the back of the neck that put victims to sleep. So there might be a connection to that and the spinning wheel. So, what does it mean to sleep? To be unconscious? To not be awake? To live but not be alive? Stagnation? It appears that some natural impulse has been stopped, maybe due to a “pointed remark” or a “stinging comment” natural impulse has bee stopped. It doesn’t appear that getting rid of all the spindles or sewing circles prevented the problem from occurring. A ban of spinning wheels is not a cure according to the fairy tale.

It’s interesting that thorns are keep out the men (another poker). Maybe some protective aspect that keeps closeness away from the receptive vulnerable aspect.

Do you want to be like Jesus?

Do you want to be like Jesus?
People say they do… but he was hated, he was despised, he was rejected.
He was the scandal of God
He was crucified—sentenced to death.
He died an accused criminal.
He was accused of having demons
He was accused of working for satan

The anguish and pressure broke his heart. Blood and water flowed out of his pierced side indicating hydropericardium.

How did he resist buckling under the pressure of going down in history as a failure? There was no evidence otherwise…especially as he was being executed for blasphemy. Had he not spent time in prayer, in contemplation, in the desert, and in inner communion then he would have fallen into the temptation to believe the lie. After all, his accusers were supposedly holy men, and the authority on righteousness (right standing).

He couldn’t know what would become of him… neither of his his story or his work. Most of his followers had forsaken him. How could he know that he would become the model of love itself?

He couldn’t know by looking at the facts, if he hadn’t been shaped by a powerful resonant connection and attunement that he had with his God, his father, his friend, his Magdalene, his mother, his truest self. Because he allowed this shaping to take place he was able to trust the deep inner knowing that the cup that he was to drink was the hope of the world.

People will always try to name you, they will try to put a lot of things on you. You need to say, “hey, I am named by God. “ “I am a child of God.” “Only God can name me.”

If we have this attitude and belief then there is nothing that has power over us. God is supreme. God is the highest power. If we are named by God then there is nothing that can attach to us, because we belong to God. It is up to God to allow whatever or prevent whatever. I trust God to take care of me. I trust that I am good as I am and that I don’t have to worry about what anyone says. I don’t have to accept what people have tried to put on me.

FOR IT IS MY VERY REFLECTION Staring back at them, as a lifted mirror shows them what they hate about self and put on me, as a goat—when I am a lamb. I am both their shadow, in the valley, and the lilies that hover and cover it’s shallow gashes— but they also saw the eyes of their own within mine— so they seek. How can I be both ? The shadow and the savior? The message and messenger? The Christ and the devil, as ego’s evil twin. Human and divine; confusing and revealing. Madonna and the whore. Miriam, who IS the well; the lady at the well, who had much loving. Alpha and omega. Yin and yang. And you are all this as well— both. Female and male. Light within the dark—even I am the light that determines the vastness of the dark. I am David. The echo who knows what is there— what is true. But ironically lack the resources or vehicle it means with which to deliver its essence. I am magic within the mess. I am hated in every body. I am stared at. Loathed. Desired. Sought after. Hunted. Admired. Stereotyped. Longed for and Loved. Missed and mystified. Loved. Whole. Christ.

When we look into the true mirror, and spend time thinking about what God thinks about us we will start to see ourselves how we truly are.

The more transparent you become the less accurate feedback you will get from those who are unconscious of their shadow. Transparent…Like a mirror… people see their own reflection. As mystics and people called to do work here… we especially have to continually bring these things that are put on us that don’t resonate to God. Because if we carry them around they will cause confusion. To resonate is to be shaped by another and to trust is a deep inner knowing. Know his voice. We are shaped by sound not by sight. Can you hear the heartbeat of God. Draw close. Chesed.

Digging A Well

We spent our New Year’s Eve down inside our well, as we were trying to fix our frozen pipes. The symbolism of bringing in the new year while working in a well has a profound meaning—especially since we are working on a theory called “The Well Cord.”

A well is “a vein”, “a channel,” or “a cord” by which Life-Force comes into the world. Spiritually speaking, in order to dig a well and tap into this essential source of life we must remove the layers of earth, dig through our experiences, address our injuries, and uncover our emotions in search for quintessential waters of the soul, which is our truest self. This self is an actual part of God. We must dig deeper than desire, deeper than feeling, deeper than achievement, deeper than self-doubt, shame, and criticism, deeper than certainty, deeper than what’s expected, deeper than reason, and deeper than what we previously thought was possible…dig down to the selflessness at the core of the self. When your soul is uncovered…you are finally able to see what it is that you truly have. There are so many wonderful possibilities that are allowed to rise up to the surface when we love every part of our being and trust the source of our innermost potential.